The Great Chicago Fire

Perhaps you have heard of the great Chicago fire. Well, it almost happened again. The following phone conversation recently took place.

DOR (Daughter of Ralph): Dad!! The oven on the counter caught fire! What do I do?

I flashed back to my forest fire days and almost said, “Grab a shovel and build a line around it down to bare soil.” Then I realized that wouldn’t work very well in a second story apartment. I also ruled out starting a backfire by the sink and hoping the two would burn together.

Ralph: Call the fire department.
DOR: It’s inside the oven. Should I put water on it?
Ralph: What’s burning?
DOR: Crumbs in the crumb tray. Wait . . . . it might be going out.
Ralph: Don’t open the door. Wait until it goes out and cools down before you open the door. Remember the microwave?
DOR (after a little chuckle): Yeah, I remember. Okay it’s burning across the tray and is almost out.
Ralph: So, when was the last time you cleaned out the crumb tray?
DOR: It’s been awhile. Okay. . . .it’s out.

Now I don’t care who you are, putting out a fire a thousand miles away is hard work. Not to mention what it does to your heart rate and blood pressure.

Ralph: You know I’m going to have to blog about this, right?
DOR (after a long pause): Yeah, but only if you tell about the microwave.
Ralph (after a long pause): Okay.

Years ago, when the kids were young, I gave Char a microwave as a gift. Back then, it was state of the art but still covered most of the counter top. We used it a lot but it was especially useful on Monday nights when the family would gather to watch the television show, Alf. We would generally watch Alf while snacking on popcorn and ice cream. One evening, getting ready to watch Alf, I hurriedly placed a bag of popcorn in the microwave before running into the family room.

DOR was about five years old at the time and during a commercial, I asked her to go see if the popcorn was done. When she returned, I asked about the popcorn and in a calm and relaxed voice she said, “I don’t know. There’s too much smoke.”

Nothing can interrupt a good episode of Alf like a house fire. I ran into the kitchen and discovered DOR was right, there was too much smoke. The entire kitchen, the dining room, and part of the living room were filled with a dense black smoke. I had accidentally set the timer for thirty minutes instead of three – mistake one.

I yanked opened the microwave door only to realize that was not the thing to do – mistake two. The popcorn bag erupted into flames. I grabbed the bag and ran through the kitchen and living room with a flaming bag of popcorn – mistake three.

Outside I used my forest fire training and stomped the living @$%^* out of that popcorn bag.

We used that microwave for many more years and every time the aroma of burnt popcorn filled the room.

Hard To Believe

It’s hard to believe that at this time last year I was considered slave labor at the Morrow farm. Okay that's a huge exaggeration because many people were putting the final touches on. . . .

I’ve relived the adventure through my posts located here and here and here.

Have a safe Fourth of July.

Sunday Funnies

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?"

"I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'"

"Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get thee behind me, Satan!'"

"I did," replied his wife, “but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"

Empty Nest Syndrome

I looked at Char and said, “Well, I think we’re alone.” The past three weeks are a blur. It has been fast and furious but full of family, friends, and fun.

It started with a trip to Illinois. I hate driving eighteen hours straight so we stopped at my favorite places along the way – Morrow’s Bed and Breakfast. We got in early enough to play a round of golf at Northridge.

Early the next morning we were on the road to Illinois where we would see Nathan and Desiree. It was party central as we celebrated three birthday’s.

Tiffany and Jason came down and spent a few days. One afternoon they helped Char and I get bowling shoes. They also gave us each a bowling ball. One evening we went out and did a few games of bowling.

One of the birthday celebrations was held in a park with water features. What a great place for a party. Desiree and Nathan did a great job of planning and pulling off the party. Here Char is trying to explain something to Tiffany and Jason but I have no idea what.

One morning we were hoping to play golf but the weather was not cooperating. So after breakfast we headed to the driving range. It was fun and everyone took advantage of the chance to practice. The weather cleared up a little in the afternoon and we played a nice par 3 course.

Char and I took a day trip down to Springfield where we toured the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum. It was really quite spectacular as was the Lincoln house. Char fit right in with Honest Abe’s family.

Back at Nathan’s we had time for one more round of golf before heading home. Char is really improving and I think Desiree is ready to take up the game.

Before leaving, we confirmed our reservation’s at the Morrow’s Bed and Breakfast. You might notice this porch picture includes our future daughter in law, Desiree. She came back and spent a week making arrangements for the wedding. Between our visit and the time she was at our house, we had spent two weeks together, including eighteen hours in a car. The amazing part is she still wants to become part of the family!

While I think Desiree had a good time and got a lot accomplished, she was ready to go home. I took Desiree to the airport then later that day Cliff and Marilyn arrived. They were having a family gathering and our house served as the operation center, which was just fine with Char and I. Both of Cliff and Marilyn’s sons and their families arrived and the festivities began.

One of the gatherings involved Cliff’s world famous barbecue chicken. I always wondered how much chicken my grill would hold and I found out. You can barbecue six chickens at one time. These were not normal supermarket chickens. They were chickens raised by Cliff and Marilyn’s grandson and they were huge and very tasty. Six chickens filled a roaster oven.

Sunday was Father’s day. Before playing a round of golf, Cliff and his sons celebrated Father’s day. I heard from both our kid’s, my son in law and my future daughter in law, which made the day special and complete. As an added bonus, Hudson, woke up while his parents were asleep down the hall. Char brought him back to our room where he spent an hour entertaining us. Hudson helped me open up a Father’s day card and didn’t make a peep (except for laughter) the entire hour. It was a fun way to start the day.

Then people started heading home and soon it was just Cliff, Marilyn, Char and I. Cliff and I played some golf and the ladies went shopping. Then early one morning I caught Cliff trying to sneak out without paying the bill. Well, actually they had paid the bill several times over with all the fun they brought.

I went home for lunch and Char was the only one there. It may take me a day or two to transition back to the empty nest.

Back and Bows

Char and I just got back from a nice trip through Nebraska, Iowa, and Illinois. Officially, the reason for the trip was to see the kids but we had fun all along the way. I’ll write more about the trip later.

Arriving back home I quickly discovered our back yard is a mess. A neighbor did a good job of keeping our front yard mowed which I appreciate. But the back yard has grass eight inches tall and weeds everywhere. It rained daily while we were gone and has rained everyday since we have been home. One day I was able to get about half the back yard mowed before the rain started . . . . again. I have never been fond of using an electric lawn mower in a rainstorm.

Besides the rain, we have had a few hailstorms and a tornado warning or watch most days. According to the news, there has been $161 million dollars worth of damage in the last five days.

This is not common weather for our part of the country. Some people blame it on global warming, others on stimulus money coming out of Washington. I think it’s both.

However, there have been rewards. Several days we have had great rainbows. I’ve taken several pictures but the camera just doesn’t do them justice.

Sunday Funnies

Three preachers were driving down the road when they missed a turn and went into the ditch. As they pulled themselves together, a drunk pulled up and asked if they were all right.

"Oh, yes, Jesus is with us," one replied.

The drunk quickly replied,"Well, you'd better let him ride with me. you're driving is going to kill him!"

Ralph The Collector

I collect stuff. I collect logo balls from the various golf courses I have played. I collect wine corks with the hopes of making something out of them someday.

But, mostly I collect lists. I have a list of stories I want to write, a list of books I want to publish, a list of places I want to visit, a list of bumper stickers I like, and a list of quotes I have heard or read that mean something.

This comes from my list of quotes. The old I get, the truer it becomes.

“Is what I am doing today important? I hope so because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.” Author Unknown