Sunday Funnies

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?"

"I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'"

"Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get thee behind me, Satan!'"

"I did," replied his wife, “but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"

Empty Nest Syndrome

I looked at Char and said, “Well, I think we’re alone.” The past three weeks are a blur. It has been fast and furious but full of family, friends, and fun.

It started with a trip to Illinois. I hate driving eighteen hours straight so we stopped at my favorite places along the way – Morrow’s Bed and Breakfast. We got in early enough to play a round of golf at Northridge.

Early the next morning we were on the road to Illinois where we would see Nathan and Desiree. It was party central as we celebrated three birthday’s.

Tiffany and Jason came down and spent a few days. One afternoon they helped Char and I get bowling shoes. They also gave us each a bowling ball. One evening we went out and did a few games of bowling.

One of the birthday celebrations was held in a park with water features. What a great place for a party. Desiree and Nathan did a great job of planning and pulling off the party. Here Char is trying to explain something to Tiffany and Jason but I have no idea what.

One morning we were hoping to play golf but the weather was not cooperating. So after breakfast we headed to the driving range. It was fun and everyone took advantage of the chance to practice. The weather cleared up a little in the afternoon and we played a nice par 3 course.

Char and I took a day trip down to Springfield where we toured the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum. It was really quite spectacular as was the Lincoln house. Char fit right in with Honest Abe’s family.

Back at Nathan’s we had time for one more round of golf before heading home. Char is really improving and I think Desiree is ready to take up the game.

Before leaving, we confirmed our reservation’s at the Morrow’s Bed and Breakfast. You might notice this porch picture includes our future daughter in law, Desiree. She came back and spent a week making arrangements for the wedding. Between our visit and the time she was at our house, we had spent two weeks together, including eighteen hours in a car. The amazing part is she still wants to become part of the family!

While I think Desiree had a good time and got a lot accomplished, she was ready to go home. I took Desiree to the airport then later that day Cliff and Marilyn arrived. They were having a family gathering and our house served as the operation center, which was just fine with Char and I. Both of Cliff and Marilyn’s sons and their families arrived and the festivities began.

One of the gatherings involved Cliff’s world famous barbecue chicken. I always wondered how much chicken my grill would hold and I found out. You can barbecue six chickens at one time. These were not normal supermarket chickens. They were chickens raised by Cliff and Marilyn’s grandson and they were huge and very tasty. Six chickens filled a roaster oven.

Sunday was Father’s day. Before playing a round of golf, Cliff and his sons celebrated Father’s day. I heard from both our kid’s, my son in law and my future daughter in law, which made the day special and complete. As an added bonus, Hudson, woke up while his parents were asleep down the hall. Char brought him back to our room where he spent an hour entertaining us. Hudson helped me open up a Father’s day card and didn’t make a peep (except for laughter) the entire hour. It was a fun way to start the day.

Then people started heading home and soon it was just Cliff, Marilyn, Char and I. Cliff and I played some golf and the ladies went shopping. Then early one morning I caught Cliff trying to sneak out without paying the bill. Well, actually they had paid the bill several times over with all the fun they brought.

I went home for lunch and Char was the only one there. It may take me a day or two to transition back to the empty nest.

Back and Bows

Char and I just got back from a nice trip through Nebraska, Iowa, and Illinois. Officially, the reason for the trip was to see the kids but we had fun all along the way. I’ll write more about the trip later.

Arriving back home I quickly discovered our back yard is a mess. A neighbor did a good job of keeping our front yard mowed which I appreciate. But the back yard has grass eight inches tall and weeds everywhere. It rained daily while we were gone and has rained everyday since we have been home. One day I was able to get about half the back yard mowed before the rain started . . . . again. I have never been fond of using an electric lawn mower in a rainstorm.

Besides the rain, we have had a few hailstorms and a tornado warning or watch most days. According to the news, there has been $161 million dollars worth of damage in the last five days.

This is not common weather for our part of the country. Some people blame it on global warming, others on stimulus money coming out of Washington. I think it’s both.

However, there have been rewards. Several days we have had great rainbows. I’ve taken several pictures but the camera just doesn’t do them justice.

Sunday Funnies

Three preachers were driving down the road when they missed a turn and went into the ditch. As they pulled themselves together, a drunk pulled up and asked if they were all right.

"Oh, yes, Jesus is with us," one replied.

The drunk quickly replied,"Well, you'd better let him ride with me. you're driving is going to kill him!"

Ralph The Collector

I collect stuff. I collect logo balls from the various golf courses I have played. I collect wine corks with the hopes of making something out of them someday.

But, mostly I collect lists. I have a list of stories I want to write, a list of books I want to publish, a list of places I want to visit, a list of bumper stickers I like, and a list of quotes I have heard or read that mean something.

This comes from my list of quotes. The old I get, the truer it becomes.

“Is what I am doing today important? I hope so because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.” Author Unknown

Sunday Funnies

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is. I found lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy. He then leaned out of his window and screamed, “Go! Go! For the love of God go!” What an exuberant cheerleader for the Lord he was.

Soon everyone started honking and I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

I saw one guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended. Sadly, that’s when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and felt sad I had to leave all those loving people. So, I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time before I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

A Golf Poem

In my hand I hold a ball,
white and dimpled, rather small.
Oh, how bland it does appear,
this harmless looking little sphere.

By its size I could not guess,
the awesome strength it does possess.
But since I fell beneath its spell,
I've wandered through the fires of hell.

My life has not been quite the same,
since I choose to play this stupid game.
It rules my mind for hours on end,
a fortune it has made me spend.

It has made me yell, curse and cry,
I hate myself and want to die.
It promises a thing called par,
if I can hit it straight and far.

To master such a tiny ball,
should not be very hard at all.
But my desires the ball refuses,
and does exactly as it chooses.

It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies,
and even disappears before my eyes.
Often it will have a whim,
to hit a tree or take a swim.

With miles of grass on which to land,
it finds a tiny patch of sand.
Then has me offering up my soul,
if only it would find the hole.

It's made me whimper like a pup,
and swear that I will give it up.
And take to drink to ease my sorrow,
but the ball knows ... I'll be back tomorrow.