Saturday, January 08, 2011

Sunday Funnies

Here are some questions about church statistics. See how many you can get right.

If a church's average morning attendance is 100, how many will attend a Sunday evening service?
(Answer: About ten)

If a church's average morning attendance is 2,500, how many will attend a Sunday evening service?
(Answer: A Sunday evening what?)

Pastor Price has been at First Church for three years. Attendance has been growing at a rate of 11.3 percent annually, volunteerism is up, the budget is balanced, and the bathrooms are painted. What percentage salary increase can Pastor Price expect?
(Answer: He will be fired for painting the bathrooms without calling a congregational meeting.)

When listening to a colleague preach, what percentage of pastors are convinced they could do a better job?
(Answer: 63%. The rest aren't listening at all.)


Anonymous Lanny said...

Ralph, your supposed to be funny, not factual.

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Lanny said...

I see that error by the way, "you're".

9:43 AM  
Blogger Paul Nichols said...

I think it's funny. I'm forwarding it to my pastor.

3:02 PM  
Blogger Cliff said...

I'll have to agree with Lanny, true stuff, but it is funny.
There are some things I'll never do again.
1: Be in charge of anything that requires a choice of colors for a church. (carpet and walls)
2:try to change something that is "the way we've always done it."

5:38 AM  
Blogger Aravis said...

I'll have to pass this along to my mother. It sounds an awful lot like the things she's been telling me about her church and fellow members of the congregation. *G*

11:42 AM  
Blogger nora said...

I refuse to choose the color of anything at work either. Everyone has an opinion of the color, no one wants to buy the brushes, paint or actually do the painting. But they have an opinion of the color.Sheesh.

As always, funny stuff!

11:47 AM  
Blogger Mountain Mama said...

This is funny but true too!

3:38 PM  
Blogger possum said...

Well you hit the nail on the head here...
Ya know, I think this should be printed on the back of the Church bulletin. At least something would be read in it...
Oh, sorry, forgot, Rule #7, never snicker in church. Sorry...

9:07 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Funny and true!

I have heard of churches getting mad over what coffee pot to buy!

7:47 AM  
Blogger EV said...

The first lesson taught in Seminary is, "This is NOT what you've imagined shepherding to be." Good one, Ralph.

9:00 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Funny stuff Ralph, well... unless you're a preacher. ~ j///b

11:05 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

This explains why our church doesn't have Sunday evening services anymore.

Thanks Ralph, this was good stuff (gone bad). :)

9:22 PM  

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