Saturday, August 23, 2008

Sunday Funnies

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening massage - 6 p.m.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon from J.F. Stubbs.

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.


Blogger Cliff said...

All good ones Ralph. I'd read some of those before but worth another laugh.

8:16 PM  
Blogger Granny Annie said...

As a P.K. it was always a treat to help mimeograph the church bulletin and then our whole family sat around and folded them on Saturday evening. We also tried to pick out the bloopers before the congregation could. I don't think any we found were as good as these.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

There was one of those that I had never read before, so I'm glad I read them all. I think those are great!
Churches need a good laugh now & then.
One time, my beloved hubby, the Reverend was preaching about various cultures and their ideas of heaven. He said, "Indians long for the Happy HUMPING Ground." Yes, he said that!! He meant Happy Hunting Ground. The congregation cracked up, and of course, he never has been able to live that one down.

10:04 PM  
Blogger bobbie said...

You have to worry a little about those who have children and don't know it. - but I guess no one has to worry about Dr. Hargreaves.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Well done Ralph! I had some chuckles from this bunch of bloopers.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Mountain Mama said...

Bloopers are so funny! I have made some myself and remember how hummiliated I was.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Excellent Ralph! You sure know how to get people to pop in on Sundays! I'm glad.
Have you ever seen anyone who was injured by an aluminum cans? Mostly they are tongue injuries and people become speach impared and not crippled. :-)

11:09 PM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Ralph ~ That one... "Ushers will eat latecomers." would certainly take a bite out of the congregation at our church! ~ jb///

11:40 AM  
Blogger Janell said...

Those are funny, Ralph. I worked at my church for 7 years doing the newsletter and bulletin and I lved in fear that something I published would end up on a list like this!

12:31 PM  

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