Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Disbelief, Shock and Terror

It should be pointed out this post is not for the faint of heart. You should also be warned that it contains a graphic image that may disturb some readers. (There – that should cover me on most the liability issues).

In case you don’t know, I can’t swim. You can read about it here.

We met SOR and SORSO (Son of Ralph and Son of Ralph’s Significant Other) in Nebraska and one night after dinner, I announced I had signed up for swimming lessons. Cliff clapped – I'm grateful. Everyone else (except Char) was in a state of disbelief and blurted out, “Why?”

I thought it was obvious but felt obligated to answer, “Because I can’t swim”. Why else would you take lessons?

When things died down to a mild roar I told them everything, “I’ve already bought what I need for the class including a Speedo”. There was a little laughter but when they realized I was serious, it quickly turned to shock followed by statements like, “Dad, no you can’t!” and “No. . .no. . .please say it’s not true.”

“I’ve bought the Speedo and I’ve worn it around the house. Char says I look cute in it. It’s used so I can’t take it back.” They sat there shaking their heads.

When we got home, I had Char take a picture of me in my Speedo and told SOR and SORSO I would e-mail it to them. Now their disbelief and shock turned into terror.

CAUTION: The following is a picture of me in my Speedo. Stop here if have a heart condition or are under 18 years of age.
I thought everyone knew Speedo now makes swimming goggles – evidently not.

14 Comments:

Blogger bobbie said...

Whew! That was close!
Fun post, Ralph.

5:12 AM  
Blogger Granny Annie said...

Honest mistake Ralph. I have a Speedo swim cap. Did you know they make swimming caps? Oh, they don't? No wonder eveyone laughs at me in the pool.

5:58 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I had braced myself for the shocking photo.
Whew!
Actual Speedos should only be worn by Olympic swimmers. Otherwise, men who wear them should be arrested for ocular assault.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

Hi Ralph! I can't stop laughing long enough to really write what I want. Maybe later. Lisa

3:33 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Of course Char thinks it's cute, she's your wife....I was prepared to close my eyes at the appropriate moment....Hope you have fun with your swimming lessons....

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Sorso said...

I am with Ramblings of a Villas Girl...can't stop laughing long enough to really write what I want! Love the snap shot I think 24x36 glossey would be fine ....LOL

Great Post !

8:31 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I had braced myself for the picture Ralph!! Thanks for the funny post!!!

Now I understand why you are taking swimming lessons! I thought you might be going to try out for one of those swimming marathons or something and wanted further instruction!

8:52 AM  
Blogger Madeline said...

Oh Ralph - that's a great picture of the Speedos and the little bit I can see of you. Be sure to bring those with you in July. Good luck with the swim lessons. Are you going to challange the Big Mo? Maddie

3:48 PM  
Blogger Cliff said...

To be truthful Ralph, this manner of springing the pic on people is more humane than what you did to me. Simply sending it unannounced in an email was a bit cruel. I didn't laugh nearly as long this time.

9:23 PM  
Anonymous SILOR said...

Oh man I did not know that speedo made googles! Thank goodness, whew! lol

2:17 PM  
Blogger Aravis said...

That's hysterical! I don't care who you are, Speedos are an afront to humanity.

Unless, of course, they are goggles.

*G*

9:34 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

i always get a good laugh when i stop in here. thx

6:53 PM  
Blogger Janell said...

Well, Ralph, you really make those Speedos look good. Good luck with the swimming lessons.

8:37 PM  
Blogger GardenAuthor said...

Clever and oh so funny! Hope the lessons go swimmingly... Deb

6:48 PM  

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