When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which had a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite complete with a Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven."
Next they went to the championship golf course that their home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."
Then they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand? This is heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. St. Peter replied, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"