Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sunday Funnies

This 85-year-old couple had been married almost 60 years when they died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which had a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite complete with a Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went to the championship golf course that their home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Then they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand? This is heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. St. Peter replied, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

17 Comments:

Blogger Marla said...

That was funny! I have to tell you that I was just opening a roast to cook overnight in my crockpot and guess what was on the front of the meat package. A sticker that says product of US, Canada,Mexico. Of course I thought of you right away and had a little chuckle!

8:15 PM  
Blogger Cheyenne said...

Boy, does that ever hit home.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Cliff said...

I'm with him.

4:05 AM  
Blogger Granny Annie said...

We can all relate to that one!

5:53 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

That's cute Ralph! Who knew? Right!!!

Reading your previous post I had the same thoughts yesterday when I got some ground chuck and it has that same sticker on it. I don't know if the poor cow was from the USA, Canada, or Mexico.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Seeker said...

Give me Heaven!

7:34 PM  
Blogger Shady Gardener said...

Ah, but she'd have been left behind... unawares. ;-) Funny story!

7:38 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I'm going to have to start paying more attention to labels now! So glad you wrote about this. This is really interesting and I hadn't heard anything about this.

Love this funny "Love Story" too! Has so many aspects and so many levels to it. Think I'll go get a steak and BP for dinner tonight! Hehehe!!! :)

6:15 PM  
Blogger Janell said...

...and she replied, :Well, if you hadn't been such a d*mn good driver!!!"

7:43 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

and when the kids get there they can all yell at mom too for making them take vitamins, drink milk and not sit in front of video games all day! :)

8:44 AM  
Blogger bobbie said...

This is really funny. And the older I get, the more I agree with him.

7:50 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

So Ralph... maybe I should have Mrs. LZ back off the barn a little? ~ jb///

8:44 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

I meant BRAN of course! I think a little better than I TYPE! Well... mostly! ~ jb///

8:46 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

I think I will continue to eat the bran muffins....lol....

2:35 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

:-)

:-)

:-)

Have some lettuce.
Live long and prosper.

9:44 PM  
Blogger GardenAuthor said...

Audible laughter and some guffawing, here! Hold the bran, please! Guess I'll stick with the breakfast of champions - Diet Coke... Deb

10:04 AM  
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1:01 PM  

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