Saturday, February 26, 2011

And The Numbers Increase . . .

Here is a picture of our latest Granddaughter - Taylor Lynn Gordon. She was born yesterday at 6:52 PM. Taylor is doing well, Mom is tired but doing well, and Dad seems to be smiling a lot.

Taylor doesn’t know it but she might have just helped me conquer my fear of flying.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Early Season Golf

Last week we had some really nice weather. Several afternoons the temperature was in the high sixties, blue skies, and little or no wind. It was on one of those afternoons I decided to treat myself to a round of golf. I threw the clubs in the van and headed to the course hoping I would be able to play alone. I’m okay with that, I like myself, and I have also learned a couple of things about early season golf. One being, early in the season there are two types of golfers. Category one, those, like myself, who just want to get outside and see if they can still hit that stupid little white ball after several months of not even holding a golf club. Then there is category two – those are the ones who are convinced if they get started early and help enough other people with their game they will be invited to join the PGA (Professional Golfers' Association).

At the course I knew I could play the par three course alone but I really wanted to play the nine hole course. I went in paid my green fees and to my amazement was told I could proceed to the tee box and commence play. “Commence play” has always made me laugh. Arriving at the tee box I was pretty excited. Then my hopes and dreams were shattered when over the loud speaker I heard, “Mr. Campbell will you hold up please sir. Mr. (Whoever) will be joining you.” Okay, I resided myself to the fact that I wouldn’t be playing alone but I was still hoping I would get teamed up with another category one player.

A man around thirty-five or so walked up, stuck out his hand and said, “Hi. My name is Matthew - not Matt - Matthew.” Okay that might be an awkward introduction but I can respect it. His name is Matthew and that’s what he wanted to be called.

I quickly discovered Matthew was a category two golfer. On the first hole I took out my five wood, had a couple practice swings, and started to approach my ball. That’s when Matthew said, “Say, Ralph, I don’t know if you realize it but you have your five wood not your driver.” I explained to him I had my five wood because I hate my driver. He just stared at me.

On the fourth hole we had settled into our game but Matthew was restless and felt the urge to give me some more advice when I took out my 7 iron. Matthew told me instead of my 7 iron I should really use my 8 iron because it would lay up better. I told him there were several clubs in my bag I have never used - the eight iron was one of them. He shook his head and walked away while telling me I should use all the clubs in the bag.

By the 7th hole there is very little idle chit-chat between Matthew and I. It’s a par four hole and for the first time in my life I am on the green in two strokes. Granted I had a long putt, probably 25 -30 yards but this is the best I have ever played this hole. I'm standing behind my ball looking at the hole. That’s when Matthew told me I should kneel down to get "a better feel of the green". This is when I realized Matthew and I would never be good friends. I told Matthew, "You know you need to realize a couple things. First, at my age you don't kneel any more than you have to because it hard to get back up. Secondly, I'm not that tall. I doubt if the extra foot I'd get from kneeling down would change the perspective all that much." Then I walked up took my putt and to my astonishment the ball fell in the hole!! Got my first birdie of the year on a hole that has always caused me problems.

I walked up, took the ball out of the cup, looked at Matthew and said, "That's why you should never kneel down.”

We finished our round and I was relieved to find out Matthew may still be invited to join the PGA – I mean he did beat me by three strokes.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sunday Funnies

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

(Thanks to Cliff)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Sunday Funnies

The woodpeckers might have to go. . .

Friday, February 04, 2011

Some Things are Just Wrong

The other day I was out running some errands and stopped at the store to pick up a few items. Walking down the aisle I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a bag of steak flavored potato chips. That caused me to have a, “What the . . .” moment. I mean think about it – are you really going to eat steak flavored chips with a hamburger?

Driving home I started having second thoughts. Perhaps I had misread the bag. Maybe my glasses were dirty causing the letters to blur. It was early in the day so I ruled out the possibility of alcohol being involved.

Back at home, I kept thinking about those potato chips and decided to do a quick search on the internet. There it was – steak flavored potato chips. Not just one but several different types of steak flavored potato chips.

I scanned the list and found a few other flavors such as:
Dill Pickle
Hot Dog
Grilled Cheese
Chicken, Thyme and Lemon
Crab Spice
Atlantic Lobster
Pulled Pork

We might be going a little overboard with all these flavors. I think I’ll wait until they come out with potato flavored potato chips.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Where's Al ?

It's days like this I wish Al Gore were here so we could discuss global warming - while shoveling snow off my driveway.