Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sunday Funnies

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Barbecue Postponed

I told Char I would barbecue chicken on Wednesday. That night even though she enjoyed the oven-fried chicken you could tell she was disappointed it wasn't barbecue. I thought I had some good reasons. . .

Reason One: I didn’t want to dig out the barbecue grill and wasn’t sure we had enough propane to heat it thoroughly.

Reason Two: I didn’t want to clear off the table on the deck.

There's 19 ¾ inches of snow on the table.

Reason Three: Even if I cleared off the table, I could have never gotten the chair cushions. Not only was snow piled on top of the cabinet it was frozen shut.

Yes, it snowed in Colorado. In fact, it is still snowing. It started late Tuesday night and hasn’t quit.

We won’t starve but barbecue is out of the question.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

sNOw Appreciation

Shoveling the driveway this morning I realized while I will never like snow, I don’t hate it as much as I use to.

That starling revelation came because of phone call with SOR (Son Of Ralph), who is in the snow removal business. A few weeks back we were talking and I said I didn’t care if it ever snowed. SOR replied, “Well you better hope it snows. Otherwise Desiree, the kids, and I will be living in your basement.”

Somehow, shoveling became a little easier.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sunday Funnies

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

(Thanks to Rachel)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Sunday Funnies

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sunday Funnies

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of a local university. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really very hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. “Well,” he said, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next, he was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. Then I began to read to the bear from God's HOLY WORD! But, that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a full body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. The Rabbi looked up and said, “Looking back on it...........circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Thank You Notes

I got a thank you note today that gave me the warm fuzzy’s – you know the feeling. It’s that feeling that the people involved were truly appreciative and it lets you know you did the right thing.

Well, that got me thinking about thank you notes, letters, and e-mails. The ones from friends and family are always special and meaningful. But, I get many thank you notes at work and most of them fall short.

A few are very nice and those I put those in the ‘I Love Me' file. The ‘I Love Me' file is a file I have so on really bad days I can pull it out, read a few notes and feel better.

Over the years, I must have thrown away a thousand or more thank you notes and letters. I kept a few really bad ones as examples of what not to write. My all time favorite has to be:

Dear Steve
Thanks for taking the time out of your hectic schedule to speak at our meeting today. Your talk on (Insert Title Here) was enlightening and informative.
Thanks again.

It’s thank you notes like that which make you appreciate the warm fuzzy ones all that much more.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Sunday Funnies

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. Then the man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Following the service, the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.

"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"

"Because," said the man, "I didn't need one then.”