Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Raising Ralph - Slow Motion

(CORRECTION MADE: “You almost got it right” no man likes to hear those words. But, Char had a different recollection of what her mother was doing. She most likely is right, plus . . . it makes a better story.)

Shortly after SOR (Son of Ralph) was born, Char and I loaded up the car and went to visit her parents. SOR was their first grand child so visits were always welcome.

SOR was asleep when we got to their house so we put him on their bed, surrounded him with pillows so he wouldn’t roll off, and covered him with his baby blanket. SOR was sleeping soundly.

The visit was good but after awhile it was time to leave. The problem was SOR had slept through the whole thing and the grandparents had not gotten to see or hold him. Being a good son-in-law, I went to wake him up. That’s when I had a moment of brilliance.

I took the blanket off SOR and wrapped it around a pillow. When I walked back into the living room Char’s mom was on the phone with her sister, that’s when I “tripped” and flung the blanket across the room.

Have you seen those movies where events are played out in slow motion? It happens in real life as well. Char’s mom dropped the receiver and it slowly headed towards the floor. She then slowly pushed herself out of the chair and a long muffled “N o o o o o o o . . .” was coming out of her mouth. In reality, I had never seen the old gal move that fast. She had quite the spring in her step. To her credit, she almost caught the “little bundle of joy” before it crashed to the floor.

Char’s mom, now nicknamed ‘Speedy’, swept the bundle off the floor, rolled back the blanket and saw the pillow. Her eyes were sending daggers my way at the exact same time I was having second thoughts about my little joke. I also discovered the extent of her vocabulary, which I’ll admit was impressive.

While I have chuckled about this for over twenty years, I don’t recall Char’s mom ever seeing the humor in it.


Blogger Live Well, Laugh Often & Love Much said...

This is one of them post to a your blog that I just
laugh on controllably !!!

All I can say is I can NOT promise anything !


7:18 PM  
Blogger Cliff said...

T was a delightful person but I would never had done that.
I'll bet it took years to climb that ladder back up out of the pit you put yourself in.
Great story. Thanks for this post.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Lanny said...

Thanks Ralph I now need to buy another new computer. Water in the form of coffee or tears not the best for the keyboard.

It took me a good while to be able to read past "flung the blanket across the room."

Some times funny people should probably just stop at the first thought. It is good that your MIL is of good sound health that could have killed her!

11:40 PM  
Blogger bobbie said...

Nope. I'm with Char's mom on this one. Not funny. My sense of humor doesn't stretch quite that far.
But I'm sure she loves you anyway.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Paul Nichols said...

I wish I had thought of that. That's a good one.

4:42 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

and I doubt she ever will! lol... that was just a mean and horrible joke. you're bad.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

Hi Ralph! What a horrible joke to play. I liked it :o) So how long were you in the doghouse with Char and your mother-in-law? Lisa

10:16 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I am inclined to agree with Speedy. That was mean, cruel, and evil to the core.
Hey, WHY couldn't they hold SOR while he was sleeping?????
In our family we do not let sleeping babies lie. They must be held, sleeping or not.
I'm trying to imagine what words Speedy said whilst she was piercing you with daggers from her angry eyes.

5:10 PM  
Anonymous WOR said...

JD--You sh--t! comes to mind and my mother was always a lady--except for with Ralph and his funny? jokes.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Peruby said...

I laughed. That was a dirty one! My Mom? Nope. She would have never forgiven you. I hope to be a grandmother someday and I have to say. I'd kill you. Not physically but with the daggers in my eyes. You would have eaten the pillow.

4:42 AM  
Blogger Granny Annie said...

Talk about mixed emotions! I laughed and laughed and then I screamed at what a lunatic you had to be to perpetrate such a vile act. I can only see me killing my son-in-law if he had pulled such a stunt (That is if I didn't die from a heart attack before I got my hands on him.)

6:37 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

I think I would have had daggers in my eyes too....You would have been DEAD MEAT!!!

10:41 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

Ralph, you were bad. Bad, bad. My mom taught me at and early age not to tease her or play jokes on her. She chased me with a broom.
Of course I never did stop laughing and she never did catch me.
And now you call her speedy. Hmm, just don't let it be.

8:20 PM  
Blogger Marla said...

Good story, but shame on you! You could have caused a heart attack!

9:30 PM  
Blogger Aravis said...

I would have thought of doing it, but don't think I would have acutally done it. Well, not to my MIL, but maybe to my own mother. She gave birth to me, so she has to keep loving me no matter how evil I am.

I'm with Cliff: how many years did it take to get out of that whole? *LOL*

10:28 PM  
Blogger Janell said...

Oh, you rascal, you!

12:14 AM  
Blogger possum said...

OMG! If I hadn't had a heart attack on the spot - I'd have killed you! Yep, and I bet the judge would not have found me guilty, either.
A question - have you played any more little tricks on your MIL since?
Question #2 - How many years did it take for her to speak to you in words that you could repeat in church?????
Such a BAD BOY!

11:27 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Ralph, did you trip on purpose?? if so you shouldn't ever be forgiven.... just applauded.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Jerry said...


You got a mean streak in ya, dontya?


12:10 PM  
Blogger nora said...

I love a good pratfall, but that might have crossed the line!

5:53 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Oh, that was a mean thing to do Ralph! It's a wonder she didn't have a stroke!

7:41 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

I have actually pulled that one on my mother-in-law as well Ralph, great minds think alike. Also, one time we were in Dad's big Mercury when I was dating Julie, along with her 2 sisters, her mom and her grandma. We were on a sheet of ice in the mall parking lot when I decided it would be a good idea to crank the wheel and stomp on the e-brake. We slide sideways for probably a hundred yards. Oh the screams were priceless!!!!

7:51 AM  

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